- Her: How come I don't get flowers?
- Me: Last time I got you a flower you squished it.
- Her: But it was soft.
- Me: The whole flower fell off the stem.
- Her: Well, it's my flower! I can do whatever I want with it.
- Me: I guess so...
She tried to kiss me but then she thought of something funny and just blew a bunch of air up my nose.
She finally got her own smartphone. Now when I hear a clunk while driving her I know it’s her phone and not mine.
Today I gave her a flower. She started squishing all the petals because she said they were soft.
Today she got her car stuck halfway in the garage and asked me to help park it for her. She says her car feels fatter than usual.
Today I noticed that a part of the drapes was tucked away in the dresser drawer.
Today she saw a fat bird bouncing around and nicknamed it “heavy bird”. The next week there was a giant bird poo splattered across her car windshield. I asked her if heavy bird visited again.