May 2013
5 posts
4 tags
Getting flowers
Her: How come I don't get flowers?
Me: Last time I got you a flower you squished it.
Her: But it was soft.
Me: The whole flower fell off the stem.
Her: Well, it's my flower! I can do whatever I want with it.
Me: I guess so...
3 tags
Getting ready to go
Me: Ready to go?
Her: Yope!
Me: Uh... what?
2 tags
Kissing
She tried to kiss me but then she thought of something funny and just blew a bunch of air up my nose.
2 tags
Getting a smartphone
She finally got her own smartphone. Now when I hear a clunk while driving her I know it’s her phone and not mine.
2 tags
Touching flowers
Today I gave her a flower. She started squishing all the petals because she said they were soft.
April 2013
11 posts
2 tags
Counting chips
Me: Weren't there two bags of chips here?
Her: There might have been.
5 tags
Parking
Today she got her car stuck halfway in the garage and asked me to help park it for her. She says her car feels fatter than usual.
3 tags
Closing the drawers
Today I noticed that a part of the drapes was tucked away in the dresser drawer.
2 tags
Getting toothpaste
Me: Why don't you get your own toothpaste?
Her: I forgot where you told me it was!
2 tags
Visiting a friend
Today she saw a fat bird bouncing around and nicknamed it “heavy bird”. The next week there was a giant bird poo splattered across her car windshield. I asked her if heavy bird visited again.
3 tags
Showering
Her: Waah!
Her: I forgot my towel and now I'm stuck in the shower!
3 tags
Eating ice cream
Me: Do you want ice cream?
Her: No.
Me: Okay, I'm going to get ice cream for myself.
Her: Oh, your ice cream has Oreos in it!
Her: I want ice cream now.
3 tags
Using the sink
After her sink gets too dirty she starts using my sink. I got confused when I saw all these makeup stains everywhere.
2 tags
Eating Pocky
Today she asked me if she could eat some Pocky and I said she could. But instead of eating in the kitchen like a normal person she wanted to eat Pocky in bed.
3 tags
Eating more chips
Today we got a big bag of chips and some small bags of chips. She calls the big bag “The Motherchip” and the small bags are its babies. She ate them all.
3 tags
Buttoning shirts
Today she was buttoning my shirts for me. The buttons were all off by 1 spot.
March 2013
3 posts
3 tags
Eating noodles
Me: Are you done eating?
Her: Yup!
Me: Then why is your hair in the soup?
2 tags
Smelling
Me: (sniff sniff)
Me: WHAT IS THAT SMELL??
Her: (SQUEAL!!)
4 tags
Eating noodles
Her: Where did my spoon go?
Me: It fell into your soup.
Her: Oh, I thought that was a fat noodle.
January 2013
9 posts
4 tags
Snowshoeing at night
Her: This place looks like the setting for a horror story.
Her: Is that a pool of blood over there?!
Me: No, that's a shadow.
Her: Is that blood over there?!
Me: No, that's a twig.
Her: Is that a pool of blood?!
Me: No, we're back at the parking lot.
5 tags
Changing clothes
Her: I need to change but the bathroom is taken.
Male friend: I'll turn around. Tell me when you are done.
Her: (changing)
Her: OK! (still putting on clothes)
Her: Almost done!
Her: Ok, done now!
Male friend: Don't say "OK" and then "almost done".
4 tags
Dancing
Me: How do you like dancing?
Her: My foot is itchy.
3 tags
Stealing chips
Today I was out eating dinner. Meanwhile, she snuck into my house and stole some chips. I could tell because the bag was ripped open in a weird way.
2 tags
Opening bags
Me: I like how you open bags in the most destructive way possible. There's no way to put it back together again.
Her: Which bag?
Me: Uh oh. What do you mean which bag? You destroyed more than one?
3 tags
Eating chips
Today we went to a Thai restaurant for dinner. After a while she stops eating so I ask her if she is full and she says yes. We get back in the car to leave and she immediately starts eating a bag of chips.
3 tags
Eating breakfast
Her: Are you going to eat that... breakfast item?
Me: Breakfast item? It's called a danish...
4 tags
Shopping continued
Her: I also got all these cute skirts!
Her: What do you think?
Me: It's upside-down.
5 tags
Shopping
Her: I got so many new clothes today!
Her: Let me show you!
(changes into dress)
Her: What do you think?
Me: It's inside-out.
December 2012
2 posts
3 tags
Hanging out with her teacher
Her: Tonight I'm going to have dinner with my pho teacher. The whole class is invited.
Her: I mean Vietnamese teacher. My Vietnamese teacher is taking the class out for pho.
Me: A pho teacher sounds cooler.
2 tags
Finding new guinea pigs
Her: NEW GUINEA PIGS!!!
Her: Let me show you!
October 2012
6 posts
4 tags
Playing LoL
Her: I want to play one more game.
Me: I need to go eat dinner now.
Her: I'm a bad person.
3 tags
Getting a massage
Her: That hard spot feels like a bone.
Therapist: That's not a bone.
Her: Oh god.
3 tags
Going to class
Today I dropped into one of her foreign language classes. The teacher introduced me as her husband.
3 tags
Eating dessert
Today we got some free cannoli after dinner. She didn’t know what a cannoli was. She picked one up, sniffed it, licked it all over, made a scrunched face, and then put it on my plate.
2 tags
Going to the museum
Today we went to the museum. She tried to get a closer look at one of the artifacts but hit her head on the glass.
3 tags
Finding frosted raisin bread
Today she bought a loaf of frosted raisin bread at the market. She was so excited to eat it that she was hugging the loaf and rubbing it on her face.
September 2012
1 post
4 tags
Eating noodles
Today she was eating noodle soup again. This time, her hair dipped into the soup and painted the soup all over her shirt.
August 2012
13 posts
2 tags
Eating crepes
Today we ordered a dessert crepe with berries. I guess she didn’t notice that it came with 2 spoons because she ate the entire thing.
3 tags
Learning to dance
Today we were learning a dance move where the girl has to raise her hand over her head and place it in the guy’s hand. She tried the move by raising her hand, and placing it in my eye.
5 tags
Sharing chips
Today she bought a bag of chips to eat. She licked all the flavoring off one chip, and then suddenly decided that she felt like sharing so she fed it to me. That chip was soggy…
2 tags
Eating burritos
Today we were having burritos for dinner. I put down my burrito so I could adjust the TV. She also put down her burrito to come over and see what I was doing. After I got the movie playing, I watched as she picked up my burrito and took a huge bite out of it. After chewing for several seconds, she exclaimed, “Wait a minute! This isn’t my burrito.”
4 tags
Deciding dinner
Me: What do you want to eat?
Her: Italian!
Her: I want sweet potato burrito.
Me: That's not Italian...
3 tags
Eating seaweed
Today she started eating seaweed while watching a movie. By the time the movie was half over, she was surrounded by 2 empty boxes and mounds of plastic wrappers.
4 tags
Eating spicy noodle soup
Today she ordered spicy noodle soup for lunch. She wasn’t careful and got spicy soup in her eye. She is now one of the many people afflicted by the serious condition known as “soup eyeball”.
2 tags
Eating gummy bears
Today she brought back a big bag of German gummy bears to give to me as a gift. I ate a few and left the bag at her house. Later that week, she regretfully informed me that the rest of the bag had been eaten.
5 tags
Buying groceries
Today we went to the supermarket to buy groceries for dinner. She wandered off to the aisle with potato chips and ended up getting a box of ice cream sandwiches.
3 tags
Beating Diablo 2
Her: Yay! We finally beat Diablo 2!
Her: Now I can uninstall the game.
4 tags
Smelling good
Her: Your jacket smells good!
Me: I washed it. It's nothing special.
Her: No! It smells different.
Me: I use Tide.
3 tags
Wearing heels
Today she got some new heels and was excited to wear them. Then she got blisters and was unhappy.
4 tags
Wearing a dress
Today she purposely wore a dress to look cuter. Then she promptly dropped some scalloped potatoes onto it.
